The staff of this august periodical is pleased to report that our ace reporter has returned from an extended assignment with several items to report. Please pay careful attention to the following:
1. The next Secret Sister event will be open to all members of the congregation. If the river allows, it will be a raft-the-river/park day on a Saturday in July to be determined soon. If the river is too high, it will just be a fun in the sun park day. My colleagues are lurking in secret locations to learn all the details and assure us there will be information forthcoming. In the meantime, you may access the website epleys.com to learn about rafting rentals in the immediate area and prepare for the event. All Secret Sisters will be expected to contribute to the food pool on that day.
2. The Card-Making event at the Haechrel household was a great success. Our inside source there affirmed that Fatima may be hooked on this interesting craft. If you have card-making tools laying around, beware!
3. We now know that the fruit of the spirit is actually edible. Bailey Ross confirmed that she did indeed receive chocolate-covered fruit of the spirit from her crafty sister.
4. Mrs. Awiggins was seen opening a gift addressed to her own self. It is not currently known if Kiwi is one of the fruit of the spirit, but she is responsible for leaving a little something for the flustered Mrs. Awiggins. When asked to comment she could not because she couldn't close her mouth.
5. Miss Piggy continues to stalk Debbie and leave wonderful surprises to be found by unsuspecting children at church and delivered to said Debbie. Debbie did confide in one reporter that she hoped Miss Piggy would cease wearing pink bikinis to the beach. It may be too tempting for poor Kermit.
6. Jaimee's vacancy has been filled by a new member. Chelsea is reported to be a very sneaky sister. Even so, the group welcomes her addition. We plan to keep a sharp eye on her activities.
We will continue to update you as news pours in from our hidden reporters in the Boise area.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
March 19 edition
Tea Party a Success
Alicia, Fatima, and Lena were the hostesses at this month's social event. Several tables were spread with cut sandwiches, a breakfast casserole, scones, fruit, muffins, jellies, and various teas. With so much from which to choose, one lady may have said, "I am overwhelmed."
A little over half of the ladies in the group attended, the conversation was pleasant, and the food scrumptious. "I can't imagine a more relaxing way to spend the morning," another person could have commented. Code names such as Daisy, Lemon Drop, She Who Must Not Be Named, and others were discussed while the ladies enjoyed the cuisine. Eventually it was time for business. This reporter was especially impressed with Debbie C., who instructed the ladies about nominating a special person to be kidnapped during the year. Mrs. C was informative and charming as she explained what to do. Following that activity, the hostesses introduced the game for the day. Several people attempted to place two tea bags attached with strings to a baseball cap on top of the cap while wearing said cap without using their hands. Although there was plenty of head-wagging and slinging, only a few were able to complete the task within the minute allowed. The winner was Chris M. who showed herself to be a talented head-slinger, followed by Audrey M. and the charming Mrs. C. Bailey R. was present to the delight of all present even though she recently had a body part removed.
Noticably absent from the gala event was Mrs. Awiggins who is still missing across state lines. Our reporters continue in position awaiting her return.
We will be posting information from the nominations as soon as our investigative staff has finished their analysis.
Alicia, Fatima, and Lena were the hostesses at this month's social event. Several tables were spread with cut sandwiches, a breakfast casserole, scones, fruit, muffins, jellies, and various teas. With so much from which to choose, one lady may have said, "I am overwhelmed."
A little over half of the ladies in the group attended, the conversation was pleasant, and the food scrumptious. "I can't imagine a more relaxing way to spend the morning," another person could have commented. Code names such as Daisy, Lemon Drop, She Who Must Not Be Named, and others were discussed while the ladies enjoyed the cuisine. Eventually it was time for business. This reporter was especially impressed with Debbie C., who instructed the ladies about nominating a special person to be kidnapped during the year. Mrs. C was informative and charming as she explained what to do. Following that activity, the hostesses introduced the game for the day. Several people attempted to place two tea bags attached with strings to a baseball cap on top of the cap while wearing said cap without using their hands. Although there was plenty of head-wagging and slinging, only a few were able to complete the task within the minute allowed. The winner was Chris M. who showed herself to be a talented head-slinger, followed by Audrey M. and the charming Mrs. C. Bailey R. was present to the delight of all present even though she recently had a body part removed.
Noticably absent from the gala event was Mrs. Awiggins who is still missing across state lines. Our reporters continue in position awaiting her return.
We will be posting information from the nominations as soon as our investigative staff has finished their analysis.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Tea Anyone?
Our entertainment division reports that several of the females incognito will be gathering to imbibe warm beverages in the morning hours tomorrow. It has been hinted that the gathering will include a chance to determine a future kidnapping event, but that rumor has yet to be verified. We will have a reporter on the scene to keep you, dear reader, updated on this latest event.
Missus Awiggins Flees the State
Missus Awiggins was spotted fleeing not only the city, but the state yesterday after a brief bout with illness. When our reporter on the scene tried to catch her to question her about her strange behaviour, he was unable to match her speed and finally had to give up; however, he will be waiting at the border to interview her when and if she ever returns. Could she be running from another mistake? Inquiring minds want to know!
Who IS That Purple Person?
Our amazing investigative team has uncovered several suspicious activities promulgated by someone calling herself, "Purple." Not only has she sent Bailey R. some nice postcards, but has managed to send them from both Arizona and Utah. Who is this perplexing personality?
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Reporting from somewhere in the Treasure Valley...
Miss Piggy Strikes Again
It seems Miss Piggy is alive and well and living somewhere in southern Idaho. Today, in an exclusive interview with D. Crutchfield, our reporter learned a little bit more about this exclusive lady.
"Yes, I was surprised when the kids at church pointed out a gift with my name on it on the table by the door. It was so thoughtful of Miss Piggy to think of me again." When asked if she liked her gift, Miss D replied, "Well, I wasn't too sure what I would find at first. Miss Piggy's note said it was something green and odoriforous for St. Patrick's Day. But when I opened it I was delighted. You may notice the scent of green apples hanging in the air around me for a while."
Ongoing investigation into the identify of Miss Piggy has not yet yielded any conclusive results, but our sources report that there was a hair sample under the tape of the package, and Miss D is scrutinizing it closely.
Clandestine Siblings Incognito to Gather at F. Selami's Abode Soon
Outside sources have confirmed there will be a gathering of the Secret Sisters on the 19th of this month at Miss F.'s house. We will have investigative reporters hidden at said event to gather any clues possible. The rumor is that it will be some kind of beverage event. Our fashion editor will be there to report on the ladies' attire. More to come soon...
Please send any stories you have to the editor who will consider publishing them.
It seems Miss Piggy is alive and well and living somewhere in southern Idaho. Today, in an exclusive interview with D. Crutchfield, our reporter learned a little bit more about this exclusive lady.
"Yes, I was surprised when the kids at church pointed out a gift with my name on it on the table by the door. It was so thoughtful of Miss Piggy to think of me again." When asked if she liked her gift, Miss D replied, "Well, I wasn't too sure what I would find at first. Miss Piggy's note said it was something green and odoriforous for St. Patrick's Day. But when I opened it I was delighted. You may notice the scent of green apples hanging in the air around me for a while."
Ongoing investigation into the identify of Miss Piggy has not yet yielded any conclusive results, but our sources report that there was a hair sample under the tape of the package, and Miss D is scrutinizing it closely.
Clandestine Siblings Incognito to Gather at F. Selami's Abode Soon
Outside sources have confirmed there will be a gathering of the Secret Sisters on the 19th of this month at Miss F.'s house. We will have investigative reporters hidden at said event to gather any clues possible. The rumor is that it will be some kind of beverage event. Our fashion editor will be there to report on the ladies' attire. More to come soon...
Please send any stories you have to the editor who will consider publishing them.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Secret Sister Rules
Today as one of our reporters was interviewing someone, she was asked if the rules for the club could be posted in this fine periodical. As always, we are eager to help out in any way we can. Here are the rules as presented in the organizational meeting.
SECRET SISTER RULES
1. Keep your name secret.
2. Contact your secret sister at least once each month. Contact can be a card or gift or anything else you can think of. Be sure to sign your secret name on everything you give her. You must be careful to keep your identity secret when delivering any gifts.
3. Keep your name secret.
4. Gifts and cards may not exceed $5.00 in cost. They may cost less, but they may not cost more. Birthdays are an exception. You may spend up to $10.00 for birthdays only. You do not HAVE to spend that much, but you may.
5. Each member is encouraged to sign up to help hostess one group activity. This is not required but encouraged.
6. Keep your name secret.
7. Group activities will occur every other month for a total of six activities. The hostesses of each meeting will determine the activity for that meeting. Use your imaginations! During these meetings we will share what contacts we have received from our secret sisters so everyone can enjoy them.
8. Each group will last one year.
9. The year will end with a revealing party during which you will reveal your secret name to us all. There will be a contest at this party to see who has managed to keep her name the most secret. And yes, there will be a prize for the winner.
10. If you have any problems or questions, contact the secretary who will work to resolve your problems or answer your questions.
11. Keep your name secret.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Undercover Reporter Reports
Next Meeting News Coming Soon
Our undercover reporter caught several email exchanges being passed between the ladies planning the next event and reports that things are well under way. We will let you know the news as we uncover it. Stay tuned!
Our undercover reporter caught several email exchanges being passed between the ladies planning the next event and reports that things are well under way. We will let you know the news as we uncover it. Stay tuned!
The Secretary Who Made A Mistake Wants MORE
More Requests From the Secretary Who Made a Mistake, Also Known As Misses Awiggins
As of early this morning, Misses Awiggins was making more demands. "I want the date for the next gathering as soon as it is planned," she may have yelled. "And I want it BEFORE it is planned if that can be done. In fact I want it NOW. And KEEP YOUR NAME A SECRET." When questioned further she also wanted Fatima, Alicia, and Lena, the talented ladies who volunteered for this upcoming event, to be reminded that the 12th is Jaimee's wedding shower. Will the demainds never end? Only time will tell, but our staff will do our best to keep our readers informed. As our reporter was leaving, Misses Awiggins might have been heard mumbling, "Well, I guess I don't need it exactly right NOW...OK, well, maybe I can wait..." Inside sources tell us that Misses Awiggins will be out of town from the 17th through the 20th but understands that the poor hostesses may be forced to schedule a date she cannot attend.
As of early this morning, Misses Awiggins was making more demands. "I want the date for the next gathering as soon as it is planned," she may have yelled. "And I want it BEFORE it is planned if that can be done. In fact I want it NOW. And KEEP YOUR NAME A SECRET." When questioned further she also wanted Fatima, Alicia, and Lena, the talented ladies who volunteered for this upcoming event, to be reminded that the 12th is Jaimee's wedding shower. Will the demainds never end? Only time will tell, but our staff will do our best to keep our readers informed. As our reporter was leaving, Misses Awiggins might have been heard mumbling, "Well, I guess I don't need it exactly right NOW...OK, well, maybe I can wait..." Inside sources tell us that Misses Awiggins will be out of town from the 17th through the 20th but understands that the poor hostesses may be forced to schedule a date she cannot attend.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Breaking News!
This just in from the secretary who made a mistake:
"I am still awaiting Audrey Morrison's secret name. Keep your name a secret...but not from me. She is the last one to inform me of this vital information."
"I am still awaiting Audrey Morrison's secret name. Keep your name a secret...but not from me. She is the last one to inform me of this vital information."
Valentine's Day Report
Secretary Admits Mistake
Following an indepth investigation by our fraud department, the secretary has admitted making a mistake. When asked what caused this unprecedented occurance, her answer may have been, "I was overwhelmed with the quality of the ladies in this group which caused my brain to temporarily short-circuit. Keep your names secret. I assure you it will not happen again. Keep your names secret. I am fully capable of performing my duties. Please, keep your names secret." The fraud department has confirmed that said mistake has been corrected and all will continue smoothly until the next problem arises. We are not convinced, however, that the brain in question is not continuing to short-circuit.
Miss Piggy Leaves Deposit in Unlocked Trucked
Upon entering her husband's unlocked truck after morning worship services, Debbie Crutchfield found a deposit from Miss Piggy on the seat. Recovering from her shock she investigated said deposit to find several stationary items. "Oh yes, I am quite happy with my gift," she is reported to have said. "Miss Piggy was quite thoughtful to remember me before leaving on her date with Kermit."
Several Sightings of Anonymous Gifts
Our staff is hot in pursuit of the identities of several anonymous donors who left gifts in several places yesterday at the church building. It is possible they may have trained church mice to do the deliveries, but instead decided to use the Secretary who made a mistake. Our souces tell us the gifts were indeed delivered to the appropriate recipients so perhaps the church mice will not be needed in the future.
We Need Your Help
Although our staff is quite exceptional, community reporting is highly encouraged. Our readers deserve the most up-to-the-minute service and your help can make this happen. Please send any info to the Secretary who made a mistake.
Following an indepth investigation by our fraud department, the secretary has admitted making a mistake. When asked what caused this unprecedented occurance, her answer may have been, "I was overwhelmed with the quality of the ladies in this group which caused my brain to temporarily short-circuit. Keep your names secret. I assure you it will not happen again. Keep your names secret. I am fully capable of performing my duties. Please, keep your names secret." The fraud department has confirmed that said mistake has been corrected and all will continue smoothly until the next problem arises. We are not convinced, however, that the brain in question is not continuing to short-circuit.
Miss Piggy Leaves Deposit in Unlocked Trucked
Upon entering her husband's unlocked truck after morning worship services, Debbie Crutchfield found a deposit from Miss Piggy on the seat. Recovering from her shock she investigated said deposit to find several stationary items. "Oh yes, I am quite happy with my gift," she is reported to have said. "Miss Piggy was quite thoughtful to remember me before leaving on her date with Kermit."
Several Sightings of Anonymous Gifts
Our staff is hot in pursuit of the identities of several anonymous donors who left gifts in several places yesterday at the church building. It is possible they may have trained church mice to do the deliveries, but instead decided to use the Secretary who made a mistake. Our souces tell us the gifts were indeed delivered to the appropriate recipients so perhaps the church mice will not be needed in the future.
We Need Your Help
Although our staff is quite exceptional, community reporting is highly encouraged. Our readers deserve the most up-to-the-minute service and your help can make this happen. Please send any info to the Secretary who made a mistake.
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